


Loving You Is Breaking Me

by xxambreignsxx



Category: Professional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Based on this week's RAW events, Broken Dean, Crying, Cuddling, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbroken Seth, M/M, Relationship Problems, Uncertainty, emotional talk, mention of neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 10:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16195703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxambreignsxx/pseuds/xxambreignsxx
Summary: Everything that has been happening on RAW has made it harder and harder for Dean to continue to hide from his inner turmoil. Braun, Drew and Dolph maybe just messing with his head, but there is some harsh truth and reality to the words they are saying. Dean feels like drowning, Seth's determined to keep him on the surface.





	Loving You Is Breaking Me

Seth had been pacing the room for the last half an hour. The anxiety he felt only getting worse as the time kept passing by and Dean was nowhere to be found. He dialed Dean’s number again, growling out in frustration when the result was the same. He didn’t know why he thought Dean’s phone would magically respond and he would get a hold on his distressed boyfriend.

A year ago, when Seth got Dean back, he couldn’t believe his luck. He couldn’t believe that second chances were that easy and he was lucky enough to get that. He was floating in his happy bubble, enjoying Dean being back in his life as a friend and then as a lover. He cherished every moment. He made sure Dean never regretted taking Seth back. He spent his every waking moment telling Dean how much he loved him. He spent his days showing Dean how much he meant to him. He tried to express his gratitude in every kiss, every touch. He made love to Dean each time like he was a starved man who only felt alive when Dean was next to him.

Things were going good for them. After everything, every struggle, every bump they faced on the road, they were finally happy and content. Seth’s arms didn’t feel too lonely anymore. The smile on his face and the softness in his eyes wasn’t forced anymore. His heart was at peace. Until everything fell apart for them.

Dean’s injury was an absolute disaster. From one mishap to another, Dean went through pure hell. Seth tried to keep up. He really did. But he was never too good in staying in tune with Dean’s emotions. Dean was a hard guy to read. He had so much baggage, so many insecurities and fears. A traumatic injury caused their happy life to crumble into pieces. 

It wasn’t like Dean expected Seth to drop everything and be by his side. But he also didn’t need Seth to move on too quickly. Dean wouldn’t ever say how hurt he was when Seth started teaming up with Jason Jordan and almost took him under his wing. Dean never told Seth how he had cried his eyes out with angry tears when Seth wouldn’t be able to make time for him because he was too busy defending his titles with Jordan. All Dean was able to tell was to himself, that he was too damaged for someone like Seth who needed the rush to be on the top of the world more than anything else. Seth had big and better things to do than tend to Dean’s neediness and emotional baggage. Dean took him back, knowing well Seth couldn’t bear the burden that Dean was back when he broke up with him the first time.  

Dean had come back, right in Seth’s arms like nothing had changed and he wasn’t a shell of his former self. Seth was home, Seth was where Dean belonged. Seth was where Dean needed to be. It didn’t matter if Dean was miserable and bottling up his emotions inside, he couldn’t deal with losing Seth the second time. Seth was too enveloped in the high of having Dean back with him and winning titles that he almost failed to notice that the man he called his lover was not the same man Seth knew a year ago. Seth was too busy making towns and having fun every night, enjoying what he had missed so much in the last eight months. 

Last two weeks had been a harsh reality check for Seth. He realized everything wasn’t as okay and normal as he assumed. He was forced to face the fact that his whole world was crashing and burning and he was probably too late to realize it. After they got backstage, Dean was even more pissed than earlier. Seth had tried to talk to him, but Dean had flinched away from his touch. Seth’s heart shattered, but he knew pushing Dean would only suffocate him more. So he let Dean leave wherever he wanted to go at and came back to their hotel room alone.

Now it was 3 am in the morning and Seth simply couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about the last several months, as to what drove Dean to this point. Why was his once sunshine of a boyfriend had all of sudden changed into a ticking bomb? He tried to remember every time they were intimate since Dean’s return, a shudder running through his body as he noticed that things weren’t the same like they were before Dean left. Dean would let Seth in his body, but his eyes didn’t have the same light and intensity Seth used to remember. Dean let Seth hold him and hug him, but he would go radio silent whenever Seth would tell him he loved him. He was distant, and Seth was too distracted and busy to notice the love of his life was breaking down piece by piece. 

The door was being unlocked and the noise instantly pulled Seth out of his deep thoughts. He rushed towards the entrance of the room, grabbing the door handle and pulling the door open himself. Coming face to face with Dean’s somber face. 

“Oh thank fucking God. Where were you Dean? I was worried sick.”

Dean flinched when Seth reached out to grab his arm. He stepped away from Seth and entered the room, walking towards the couch before sitting down on it and pulling his knees up against his chest. Dean buried his face in his knees, and Seth’s heart literally broke into two pieces when sobs wrecked out of his boyfriend’s trembling body. 

Seth felt his own eyes well up, a harsh laugh leaving his mouth as he realized that once again he had managed to royally fuck everything up. The one person he vowed to always protect was everything but protected right now. He almost, almost wanted to run away. But nowadays Seth liked to wake up and look in the mirror and judge his reflection. He knew running away from Dean and their problems was the last thing they both needed.

Seth slowly walked over to Dean, sitting down in front of him on the coffee table. He reached out to touch Dean’s head, before pulling his hand back. His throat felt dry, his eyes leaking tears of its own as Seth licked at his lips and looked down on the floor. 

“Dean?” Seth couldn’t believe how broken his own voice sounded, Dean not pulling his head up to look at Seth. He continued to sob into his knees. Seth resisted the urge to pull Dean into his arms and hold him until all his sorrows and pain disappeared. But shit wasn’t that easy. He was constantly reminded of that fact lately.

Seth sighed, wiping at his eye as he tried again. “Please Baby…Please tell me how can I fix this. How can I make it better…I…I understand now...I should have done a better job when you were out...But I never wanted to hurt you. Fuck I wanna fix it..I love you so much…Dean, please Baby Boy look at me..I’m so sorry.” 

Dean stopped rocking for a moment, his body stilling a little. He pulled his face out of his knees, red rimmed eyes looking at Seth for a moment before Dean turned his gaze sideways. “Can’t fix everything, Seth. Just…Leave me ‘lone.”

Seth shook his head sadly. “Can't leave you alone, no. I want you to talk to me…Please Dean..I…I know I fucked up...I claim to love you but fail to notice what’s going on inside your head…Fuck, I am so bad at loving you. But it doesn’t stop me from loving you.” Tears flowed freely out of Seth's eyes as he looked pleadingly at Dean.

“You left me alone before.” Dean whispered out in a small tired voice. Seth nodded sadly, choking back a sob. “And I regretted it every single day. Not doing that again Baby. I am not running away from you. From us. I can’t loose you again.”

Dean looked up at him again, a small whimper leaving his lips. “I know I shouldn’t ask for things. Hope for things. It never works out for me. I was trying..I was trying to be good..To be happy with what you gave me. But I can’t anymore..Can’t lie to myself and pretend everything is okay. Its not okay Seth. I am not okay. We, we are not okay.”

In that moment, Seth lost the battle with himself and moved over to sit on the couch besides Dean before pulling his lover into his lap, Dean only resisting for a moment before he allowed Seth to secure him in his embrace. Dean buried his face in Seth’s neck, his whole body shaking as he started sobbing openly. “’s so hard Seth. Why can’t I stop loving you?”

Seth buried his own face into Dean’s neck, crying his eyes out as he held onto Dean’s body tightly. He shook his head, mumbling ‘I am so sorry’ over and over again until Dean eventually stopped sobbing. Seth kept petting his head, placing soft kisses on his temple every now and again.

“Dean, I know…I know I have sucked entirely in keeping up with my promises. But I promise you, I never once lied when I told you I loved you. I do. Its not enough, I understand that. But I wanna try. I wanna try loving you better. I wanna try on us. Please Baby Boy, don’t give up on us. I promise..I promise I’ll love you better. I’ll take care of you…I hate myself for causing all of this, but I cannot, fuck I cannot fucking live without you…I love you so much…” The raw emotion in Seth’s voice was evident from the sea of tears that was seeping out of his eyes. He held Dean tightly against his chest, trying his best to comfort his lover in any capacity.

Dean pulled his face out of Seth’s neck, his lips dry and cheeks flushed as he looked into Seth’s eyes with his own teary ones. “I dunno if I can do this anymore Seth.”

Seth’s chest tightened as he realized the implication of Dean’s words, a new set of tears leaking out of his eyes. Dean wiped it off of his cheek, leaning in to press a soft kiss against Seth’s lips. “But I still wanna try. Because I love you so much and love makes you do stupid shit. Fuck I wish I could live without you…But I can’t.” Dean pressed his forehead against Seth’s, Seth putting his hand on the back of Dean’s neck to hold him against him.

“I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry Baby.” 

Seth didn’t know how much time passed as he sat there with Dean cuddled into his lap, sobs turning into soft crying until Dean’s breathing eventually evened out and he fell asleep. Seth continued to sit there, wanting to savor having Dean in his embrace. Because knowing his track record, he didn't know if he'll always have the chance. But at least he was determined to try his hardest. He wasn't gonna loose Dean that easily. No. He eventually got up, carrying Dean in his arms as he walked towards the bed and put Dean down on the mattress as gently as possible. Dean only stirring a little before settling down on the pillow.

Seth switched the lights off and joined his lover under the warm covers, his arm going around Dean’s waist to pull his boyfriend against his body and spooning him from behind. He pressed his lips near Dean’s ear, taking in the sweet unique scent of his lover before he softly whispered, “I am gonna fight for you till my last breath Baby Boy. Even if I manage to fuck everything up, I promise I’ll not stop trying, fighting for you. I love you so much.” 

 

 


End file.
